April Hollingsworth Photography

I recently read a blog post condemning my method of parenting. I don’t know why I let a stranger’s uninformed commentary tickle my nerves, but I did. Maybe it was because she called it child abuse, neglectful and dangerous. Or perhaps it is because she is simply misinformed. This that I am writing is not pointed at anyone I know personally. I’m just stating facts that I know based on reading as well as experience.

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is older he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6.

At what age do you start “training” your child? Do you wait until she can walk? Speak? Do you wait until he starts to school? I chose to begin training my child at birth. By the grace of God my parents’ first grandchild came from my brother and his wife. Had she come from my husband and me, we would have followed society’s most popular method of parenting – attachment parenting and would be sleep deprived with a toddler attached to us 24/7. My sister-in-law Amber has seven nieces and nephews who are as well behaved as the Duggar kids. Before Amber became pregnant, she asked her sister, “How do you get your kids to be so well behaved?” Her sister told her about the “Growing Kids” series by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.

“Preparation for Parenting” is the first of the series and begins with infants. It instructs parents on how to obtain a stable sleep-eat-wake cycle for baby. This is called parent – directed feeding (PDF). Most babies don’t have the ability to organize their sleeping and eating into healthy patterns. Under the parent’s guidance, baby’s metabolism is regulated. This allows predictable time between feedings along with ample time of rest for baby as well as for the parents.

Parents not only direct feeding patterns, but sleeping patterns as well. With the AP method of parenting, mom may allow baby to fall asleep while nursing. Baby may nap for 15 minutes only to awaken hungry and wanting to nurse again. The nursing session may last 5 minutes, it may last 30. The only predictable factor is unpredictability. With PDF mom, not baby, decides when naps begin and end. The routine begins with feeding followed by wake time. Naptime concludes the cycle. When it is time for a nap, baby is laid down without being rocked or lulled to sleep. This is often referred to as “the cry it out” method. For the first few weeks baby cries until he learns how to fall asleep on his own. Many critics (including the above mentioned blogger) don’t understand how a parent can do this to their child. Those of us who stick it out soon see the benefits of a baby who falls asleep on her own verses the one who must be rocked and gently placed in the crib not to be awakened by mom’s quiet escape. When baby learns to fall asleep on her own she is also able to go back to sleep on her own should she wake in the middle of the night. With PDF, full nighttime sleep is achievable at 8 weeks of age!

Independent and full nighttime sleep are only a few benefits of parent-directed feeding. As baby learns he can trust his parents to meet his needs in a timely manner, he isn’t scared to be left alone or in the care of others. He isn’t fussy because no one can figure out what is wrong. In general, PDF babies are happy, healthy, well-rested and well-adjusted. When an AP baby is finally left alone, he may experience separation anxiety. He has been with mom for so long and doesn’t know how to cope when she leaves. Critics of PDF say babies learn trust by being held. They also make it sound as though PDF parent don’t hold their babies. The difference between PDF parents and AP parents is that PDF parents don’t HAVE to hold their babies in order to make them happy.

Of course it is each parent’s right to choose how they raise their baby. I’m just stating the facts and defending my choice. I have 2 happy and healthy kids. I can rock them when I choose to. I can cuddle them when I choose to. I can also leave them in the care of others without any anxiety from them or myself. If you choose the AP method do so with joy and without complaints later on down the road.

Myths about the PDF method and “Baby Wise”:

MYTH: You can’t breastfeed with the PDF method.
FACT: The PDF method described by the Ezzos recommends breastfeeding and gives instructions on how to do it properly.

MYTH: Breastfed babies are incapable of sleeping through the night.
FACT: The Ezzos have done many studies and I can attest that breastfed babies can sleep 10 hour through the night by 12 weeks of age.

MYTH: PDF puts baby on a strict schedule and has the parent ignore baby’s needs.
FACT: “Baby Wise tells parents not to use the clock as the only cue for feeding baby. The clock is only a guide.

MYTH: “Baby Wise” has been linked with poor weight gain in infants.
FACT: Demand feeding and AP parenting can lead to poor weight gain when baby only takes in the foremilk, then falls asleep. PDF instructs mom to keep baby awake until she has had a full feeding.

MYTH: Hospitals and pediatricians are against PDF.
FACT: If you look closely at the feeding instructions on the hospital release form it says to feed baby either on demand or at 2 – 2.5 hour intervals. Those intervals are where the PDF method begins.